Over the weekend, like all of you, my heart is broken for families and neighbors that were affected by the devastating flooding in Central Texas. As a child life specialist, I’ve worked with families in crisis before and this hit close to home. I spent Sunday trying to stay busy, organizing a cluttered closet while toggling between tears and quiet moments of reflection. Like many parents, I was struggling to process everything, while also trying to be strong and present for my kids.
In moments like this, we’re faced with a difficult question: How do we talk to our kids about hard things?
Whether it’s a natural disaster, illness, a tragic news event, or even a life transition, these conversations aren’t easy. But they are important. And thankfully, there’s a framework that can help.
The Framework: 5 Steps for Difficult Conversations with Your Child
1. Regulate Yourself First
Before anything else, check in with you. If you’re emotionally dysregulated, overwhelmed, or on the verge of a breakdown, it’s not the right moment for a deep conversation. That’s not a failure—it’s human.
I gave myself time to cry, take breaks from social media, and busy my hands so I could begin to process what was happening. You deserve that time, too. Your child’s sense of safety starts with your calm presence—not perfection.
2. Assess What Your Child Already Knows
Hard conversations typically start in one of two ways:
- Your child asks a question or sees something and wants to know more.
- You intentionally decide to bring something up.
Either way, begin by gently asking what they already understand:
- “What have you heard so far?”
- “Do you know what a flood is?”
- “Have your friends talked about this at school?”
This helps you uncover what they know, what they think they know, and where any misunderstandings may lie. For example, my daughter was scared that our backyard pool might overflow and flood our home. That was a real fear for her—but also a misconception I could gently clarify to help her feel safer.
3. Use Simple, Honest Explanations
When you do start to explain, resist the urge to overcomplicate. Break things down with simple, developmentally appropriate language. Here’s how I talked about the flooding:
“There was a lot of rain falling really fast, so quickly that the rivers got too big and started to damage things around them.”
You can use visuals, drawings, or analogies to help. The goal isn’t to shield your child from the truth—but to deliver it in a way that feels safe and understandable.
4. Validate Their Reactions (Even the Tough Questions)
Sometimes kids ask questions that break your heart. My daughter asked me if people died. I told her yes. Then she asked, “Did kids die?” I told her the truth again: yes. And I let her see my sadness.
That moment was emotional, but it also showed her that it’s okay to feel and express big emotions. She hugged me and said, “Remember, we’re safe.” Even as she tried to comfort me, I gently redirected the focus to reassure her again.
Validation is everything. Whether your child cries, goes quiet, gets angry, or changes the subject, those are all valid responses. Stay present.
5. End with Connection
After the conversation, do something comforting and familiar together. Go for a walk. Snuggle on the couch with a book. Cook a favorite meal. It’s not about “fixing” their feelings—it’s about reinforcing a sense of normalcy, safety, and love.
In hospitals, we always plan for what happens after hard conversations with kids. That’s just as important at home.
You Know Your Child Best
Remember: You don’t need the perfect script. The message your child hears most clearly is, “You are loved. You are safe. I’m here.”
Whether you’re talking about a flood, a diagnosis, a move, or something else entirely, you can return to this framework again and again:
- Regulate yourself.
- Assess what they know.
- Explain simply.
- Validate their feelings.
- End with connection.
Additional Support for Families and Professionals
I want to extend heartfelt gratitude to the Child Life Disaster Relief (CLDR) organization. They’re leading the charge in supporting children and families after disasters—offering resources, guidance, and trained child life specialists when the unimaginable happens.
If you’re looking for more tools and child life-informed resources, visit childlifeoncall.com/hillcountryfloods.
You’ve Got This
If you’re afraid to start a hard conversation, that’s okay. It means you care deeply. Trust your instincts. Give yourself grace. You already have what it takes to support your child through this.
I’m so glad you’re here. 💛
—Katie
