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I’m so excited to have my friend Starlyn on the show today!  She and her husband have struggled with infertility for years, and she is here to share the miraculous story about having one embryo and ending up with four babies.  Today we will hear all about what it’s like to be pregnant with quadruplets, to be separated from them (and her older daughter) in antepartum, and to be unable to visit them in the NICU due to a natural disaster (the Texas snowstorm in March 2021, plus the COVID-19 pandemic).

In this episode, we talk about…

[3:52] Starlyn’s infertility journey

Starlyn and her husband have been together for over ten years, and they found out early in their marriage that they were infertile.  They weren’t having success getting pregnant, and then while they were in the midst of fertility testing they got pregnant naturally but then lost the baby.  They landed on having to do IVF, and they were able to get three embryos.  Their first transfer resulted in their daughter Zoe in 2018.  In 2019, they transferred a second embryo, which failed.  

With one embryo left, Starlyn was hesitant to try again right away.  She was very much a planner, and she wanted to know what the next steps would be if the transfer didn’t work.  They discussed the possibility of trying IUI again, but they also reiterated that they did not believe they would ever get pregnant on their own.

[5:32] Finding out she was pregnant with quadruplets

They transferred their last embryo in July 2020, and after a couple weeks Starlyn swore she was showing.  Her lab work was coming back higher than it had for Zoe.  One morning, she started spotting at work, and she and her husband went into the doctor’s office for an ultrasound.  They feared they were losing their baby.

As they pulled the image up on the screen, right away they could see two sacs. In one sac, they saw two babies.  Okay, twins. And they had heartbeats! It was a relief.  As they kept looking, the two other sacs were pointed out.  Everyone was shocked!  They only had one embryo to transfer, so it was suggested that Starlyn also got pregnant naturally at the same time.

[11:16] Gathering information about fetal reduction

From the moment they found out Starlyn was pregnant with quadruplets, they were told they would have to get rid of some of them. Medical professionals feared that the babies wouldn’t all make it, and that the high-risk pregnancy could pose a risk to Starlyn as well.

Starlyn’s first question was, “Are the babies going to be okay?” while her husband’s first question was, “Is my wife going to be okay?”  It was a source of conflict, because they had to consider the family and the child they already had.  

They spoke to several professionals about the average gestational age for quadruplets, the abnormalities they might have, and the possible complications from a likely premature birth.

They spoke to a specialist in doing fetal reductions for high-risk and higher-order multiples, and he gave a lengthy lecture on why they had to do it, which fetuses he would reduce, and everything that would be wrong with them.  He sent them medical studies from the early 2000s claiming that any baby born before 28 weeks was going to have severely atypical development. That scared her husband, and Starlyn went to the NICU at her hospital for more current statistics and outcomes.  

Starlyn feared losing the pregnancy, but she also decided against taking the risk that reducing any of the fetuses would pose a risk to the remaining fetuses.  

[16:28] The antepartum phase during the COVID-19 pandemic

As the pregnancy progressed, Starlyn became more aware of the timeline. Her due date was March 19, 2021, and she did the math – 24 weeks was Thanksgiving, and 28 weeks was Christmas.  Starlyn’s doctor was very clear: it was not a matter of if she was going to the hospital, it was a matter of when – and the average with quadruplets was 24 weeks.  

Starlyn really didn’t want to miss Christmas with her daughter, but she also knew 28 weeks was pushing it.  She had stopped working at 18 weeks because she was already the size of someone carrying a full-term singleton pregnancy.  

She was admitted to the hospital on New Years Eve, so she was almost 29 weeks along.  She showed signs that her cervix was thinning, and her doctors didn’t want her to be moving around anymore.  

Once she was alone in the hospital, it really started to hit Starlyn that she was getting ready to have quadruplets.  She spent three weeks there without her family, and she could only leave her room for around one hour per day.  Hospital restrictions due to the COVID-19 pandemic amplified an already stressful situation.

[20:48] Preparing big sister to have four siblings

Starlyn bought her daughter four baby dolls, and they referred to the dolls by the names of the babies.  She would remind Zoe that she had three sisters and a brother coming, and Zoe even picked one of her sisters’ names.  It was difficult to explain the situation fully to a two-year-old, and as Starlyn’s hospital stay lengthened she thinks Zoe got more frightened.

Once the babies were born, she wasn’t able to come into the hospital due to the pandemic.  Starlyn would sit outside with her when she could visit, but she wasn’t able to bring Zoe into the NICU.  They would try to FaceTime with the babies, but it wasn’t the same as seeing them in person.

[24:24] Mentally preparing for surgery

When Starlyn was first admitted to the hospital, they had her meet her medical team.  Different “visitors” would come in and out of her room preparing her for the delivery.  It seemed like there was going to be around 40 people in the delivery room – each baby would have his or her own team.  They showed Starlyn pictures of the OR setup.  When she asked how long they thought she would carry, they told her they would let her go up to 35 weeks gestation.  At 31 weeks, Starlyn told her husband she didn’t think she could do it for four more weeks.  She felt like she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t eat much, and she couldn’t sleep.  Starlyn developed PUPPS and cholestasis, and she was ready to be done with pregnancy.

[26:10] Going into labor naturally with quadruplets

They set an induction date for a Friday, and on that Monday Starlyn started experiencing contractions.  Her doctor decided that she was far enough along that she could continue to labor and they would go ahead with a C-section.  

[28:47] The babies’ births and first days in the NICU

Starlyn’s first contraction was at 7:05 pm, and her first baby (Lennon) was born at 10:42pm. Enzo came at 10:43pm, Frankie at 10:44pm, and Stella at 10:46pm.  

There were really about 40 people in the room.  While it was overwhelming, it was also reassuring to know that if, God forbid, something went wrong, they had a large team of people to take care of them.

Once the babies were born, there was a lot going on in the room and they had to get them to the NICU.  Starlyn’s husband was trying to show her pictures of the babies, and once they had gone the room got so quiet.  

When they were done sewing her up, Starlyn wanted to go right to the NICU.  She had to recover, and she felt awful.  She was throwing up, but she desperately wanted to meet the babies.  She convinced her nurse to bring her by the NICU, and she was able to hold it together long enough to see her babies.

[34:07] How to speak to moms without shaming

On top of recovering from her delivery, Starlyn was pumping every three hours.  She felt a lot of pressure coming from the nurses to make sure she was up and pumping so her babies would be able to eat.  When it comes to communicating with postpartum mothers, Starlyn suggests focusing on asking compassionate questions like, “Are you okay?” or “How’s pumping going for you?” or “Are you getting sleep?”  You’re not going to make milk if you’re not sleeping, she pointed out.  

Starlyn recommends focusing on what can be done to support the mother.  Let her know that if she needs to sleep instead of pump, or if pumping isn’t going well or is painful for her, that’s fine too.  There are other options for feeding her baby.  Parenting is not easy, and it can be so tough to start off exhausted, stressed, and in pain.

[36:13] What Starlyn has learned since having quadruplets

Starlyn shared that her quadruplets have taught her patience, as well as lowered her expectations.  There are days where things won’t go as planned.  You won’t get them all dressed, your house won’t be organized, and you will need help.  Starlyn describes herself as a very independent person, and prior to the quadruplets she wouldn’t be one to ask for help. 

Once the quadruplets were on the scene, she had to reach out for help and people were there to support her.  It was an important lesson in community.

Connect with Starlyn:

https://www.tiktok.com/@caffsquad

https://www.instagram.com/caffsquad

YouTube Channel

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