Happy December!  I’m changing things up a big this week, and sharing my discussion with Meg and Jess from Friends with Fros. I first interviewed them in June 2020, so please feel free to go back and listen to their anti-racism and diversity episode before enjoying this conversation. Meg and Jess host a podcast called Don’t Worry ‘Bout My Hair, and they also hold dual certifications as child life specialists along with rec therapy and nursing.

In this episode, we talk about…

[1:47] Life updates all around

Jess kicks off the episode by announcing that she is pregnant, which is a huge life change. Meg shares that she is still working, learning, and growing. She is doing a lot of self-development and reflection, reading more, and taking time for self-care. One big thing she is working on is being more consistent across the board.

I totally related to Meg, as COVID has really done a number on me mentally and emotionally. I got myself a therapist and did my first EMDR last week. EMDR is rapid eye movement from one side of your brain to other, and it is supposed to help you to process trauma. The one I did was actually vibrations in my hands. I had no idea what to expect, but I could have slept for two days afterwards. That was kind of scary because I was hoping I would feel better right after, but instead I felt kind of horrible. The other thing that came out of it was that I have had the most vivid dreams at night, which has been cool. I Googled it, and apparently you can unlock repressed memories through EMDR.

[6:19] Hospital experiences during the COVID-19 pandemic

Meg shares that they are doing a lot of COVID testing at the hospital. Every time a patient has a sniffle they run the test, and they are also starting to do tests before they go to procedures. She works in dialysis, so the kids come every other day for treatment.  This chronic population was concerning for her because she wondered if there was a greater risk with consistently seeing the same group of people. They regularly go back and forth between their communities and the hospital, so they could always be bringing the virus into the hospital. 

Jess and Meg agree on the general fatigue with the pandemic, which is now closing in on two years in length. Despite the increasing concern over the Delta variant, hospital workers are just keeping on keeping on. They keep wearing masks, and put their goggles back on. Their hospital hasn’t been doing a COVID unit anymore like they did toward the beginning of the pandemic, so now a patient with COVID could be anywhere. Jess describes it as “a little bit more nerve wracking,” while acknowledging that they are probably hyper vigilant at this point.

Since Philadelphia is one of the safe hubs for refugees from Afghanistan, this population has increasingly become patients at their hospital. Doctors are triaging patients as the planes land, and it has really been an eye-opening experience. The hospital staff have had a lot of conversations about cultural awareness, including a recent one led by someone who was born and raised in Afghanistan. She shared that Afghani children don’t really learn to play. They start working at five. So while the staff was wondering about which toys to bring to the patients that would be culturally sensitive, they were told that they could bring in one crayon and a piece of paper and the kids would be thrilled.

Another factor when it comes to treating this refugee population is that they don’t have many of the vaccinations that are common in the United States. They have been dealing with the pandemic in a completely different way, while also experiencing war and other major issues.  

I feel so removed from that in Austin, as that population is not coming to our hospital. I work in a children’s hospital and an adult hospital, so I have been working with parents who are dying of COVID and helping their spouses explain it to their kids. That has been the most emotionally challenging part for me, so I can’t imagine then having to also be an advocate for these families who have gone through war. 

[12:24] Working as a child life specialist while pregnant

Jess feels fortunate that she hasn’t had to spend much time in the Emergency Department while pregnant. There’s so much in the child life role that gets siloed and Jess thinks that sometimes we forget certain things. For example, she doesn’t typically interface with adults in that fashion at all. Her patients are in a rehab unit and the parents are coping with their kids’ new levels of functioning. Sometimes we just don’t know what another person, even in a similar role, is doing. Jess points out that we don’t give each other enough praise, and she describes how she has been reflecting on how much we actually do when there are certain limitations or certain challenges to our roles – whether it’s something like being pregnant or working in a major city.

[14:53] Processing difficult experiences

I spoke with Meg and Jess about processing experiences that are hard for them, because I think I used to procrastinate rather than process. I just don’t think about things. I go listen to my audio book, or play with my kids. I pretend that what I went through didn’t happen, and that’s not the best way to do it.

Meg shares that she finds herself using escape to cope as well. She would come home and watch Real Housewives, eat something, take a shower, and go to sleep – then get up and do it all over again. She realized, however, that really wasn’t serving her. It was causing her a lot of issues at work because she would come in and already be mad. That’s not typical for her, so she noticed some changes in herself. Recently, she is trying to be more intentional about watching a little bit of TV before doing something that serves her, even if she doesn’t want to do it in the moment. Walking home also works well for her, because she can listen to music or walk silently and reflect. Reading and journaling have also been recent outlets. Even if she doesn’t want to write about the events of that day, doing some gratitude journaling has been helpful as well.

[18:02] Cultural considerations for families coming from Afghanistan

I wanted to learn more about the cultural considerations for the refugees from Afghanistan, so I asked Meg and Jess about some of the big takeaways about their culture. Jess brought up their religion and their faith being different than what we are accustomed to with westernized religion. They are also coming from a level of poverty that they don’t tend to see from other international families at the hospital. So, a big takeaway for Jess has been just how privileged we are and how much can be taken away. These refugees have been completely removed from their homes and their previous lives. They might be safe, but they have no clue what their next steps are. Some of them are still separated from their families, and they are trying to find them. They are completely out of their comfort zone, and they don’t feel safe.

That’s why we have Child Life – to help with coping. You don’t get a Child Life or a therapist immediately when you land here. “It’s just a crazy, remarkable, weird thing,” says Jess. It’s wonderful that they are getting this help and these improved opportunities, but it’s so hard to think about what their lives will be like once they leave the hospital.

Jess’s comments reminded me of what has been happening at the Texas border. Children come over the border and they’re “safe”, but they are without their parents and sleeping with foil blankets. As Jess points out, “safe” can be so subjective. Someone might have felt safe in their home without realizing how dangerous it really was, or that danger was just their normal. It’s so hard, and kids can’t really understand. All they know is that they were ripped away from everything they knew, and nothing is ever going to be the same.

[24:11] Anti-racism in the child life field

One of the big takeaways I had from our conversation last June, was to ask questions and learn. Now that we are talking about these Afghan families, we need to ask how we can help. How can we be a refuge? How can we respect their culture? And we need to be doing that for everybody we come in contact with.

Meg shares that she has not had the opportunity to work directly with Afghan families in the hospital yet, but in a different unit she saw a resource guide posted in the bathroom describing how to interact with these families. She was grateful that somebody had developed that and disseminated it throughout the hospital. It made her wonder if there were resources out there like that for every hospital.

Child Life Disaster Relief has come up with some great materials and they are always at the forefront of that. I know they are always looking for volunteers as well. 

[26:35] Changes in care for diverse families

In the last year-and-a-half, I have seen some changes in my hospital. I think initially, a lot of changes were made. People were talking and it may be a little bit better, but we aren’t at the level we need to be yet. 

Jess shares that their hospital did a rollout of hair products for textured hair. They can now offer specific combs conditioners, hair moisturizers, bonnets, and other supplies to support black hair texture specifically. When you make these kinds of changes for one group that needs it, it definitely supports others too. There are tons of other cultures with thicker hair that need wide-tooth combs and other products.  

Meg describes a multicultural professionals network that does a lot of work, and they were extremely active with the Black Lives Matter movement. They have stayed consistent with offering education and guest speakers for people to have open and free access to. They provide virtual trainings and monthly rounds, which are talks about challenging topics.  

In general, it seems like people are more willing to talk. There is more willingness to host the conversations and engage in them. On the units Jess works on, she says people have been more open if the conversation comes up about something not feeling fair for a patient and their family. She has noticed more acceptance of other perspectives and reflection. There seems to be less shutting down and refusing to acknowledge discrimination and racism. Instead, people are taking a beat to actually consider whether or not that could be the case.

In my hospitals, we have made changes like including multicultural baby dolls and being aware of representation in the books we give out to families. Meg and Jess noted that representation in toys and books has been really important for her families as well. We want parents to feel safe in hospitals too, even when they aren’t the patients. When you feel like you are represented and accepted, that makes you feel safer.

Connect with Meg and Jess:

Podcast

Instagram

Have you heard? The Child Life On Call mobile app for parents, kids and their care team will be available in 2022. Sign up to stay informed here

Child Life On Call is a community of parents and professionals that share ideas, stories and resources to help YOU navigate your child’s unique experiences. We give you strategies to support yourself and your family through life’s challenges. We are so glad you are here.

Child Life On Call | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter