In this week’s incredibly honest and profound episode, we sit down with Jeff Loving, a husband, proud NICU dad, and the author of Holding Onto the Light: A Father’s Journey Through Loss and Healing. Jeff shares the deeply personal, often unspoken, side of grief: the experience of a father navigating the devastating loss. Jeff shares about the journey toward advocating for their eventual “double rainbow” daughter, Isla Grace.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has experienced loss, supports someone who has, or works in the perinatal healthcare space. Jeff’s story illuminates the critical difference between medical competency and compassionate care.

When Excitement Turns to Crisis

Jeff and his wife, Cassie, experienced the heartbreak of two late-term losses, both sons, Davian and Jadon, due to an incompetent cervix (or early dilation). Jeff walks us through the terrifying moments. From the routine checkup that became a life-or-death decision with Davian, to the repeat of that trauma almost day-for-day with Jadon two years later.

His account reveals the immense psychological load of being the partner—the “guy who’s supposed to be holding everything together”—and how quickly the world can feel disconnected from your internal pain. He shares the profound experience of holding Davian as his little heart stopped, and the cruelty of having to celebrate Thanksgiving the very next day.

The Unspoken Grief of Fathers

A key focus of this conversation is the void of resources available for grieving fathers. Jeff found himself struggling, unable to find a book or community that truly spoke to his experience. He notes that platitudes from well-meaning friends like “It’s all part of God’s plan” were anything but helpful.

Jeff’s ultimate motivation for writing his book was to provide the resource he never had.

His fictionalized account weaves together real stories from other fathers dealing with various complex losses (including Trisomy 18 and IVF struggles.) This creates a powerful space for men to feel seen, heard, and validated in their pain. He shares one piece of feedback that made all the struggle worth it: “My husband has been struggling so much, and this is the first book that he’s read in over a decade. Thank you so much for writing this.”

The Critical Difference: Compassion vs. Competency

Jeff’s experience with his care teams offers powerful takeaways for medical professionals:

• The Power of Nurses: Jeff gives immense credit to the nurses, like the two who attended Davian’s service.

• Angel, the bereavement coordinator who handled every detail of Jadon’s passing. These individuals provided a “calming presence in the chaos.”

• The Pain of Detachment: He recounts the moment a doctor, after the loss, asked him with a “jovial smile” if he wanted to cut the cord. Jeff reflects that all he wanted to hear was, “I know this is very hard… just know that my heart breaks for you, and I’m so sorry that you guys are going through this.” A reminder that compassion must be a non-negotiable.

• The Fight for Future Care: The second loss, Jadon’s, was made even more heartbreaking by the specialist’s refusal to perform a preventative cerclage. A cerclage is a simple stitch with a 95% success rate. They did not believe Cassie met the dilation threshold early enough. This highlights the crucial need for patient autonomy and listening to families with a known, traumatic history.

Finding Light in the Double Rainbow

Jeff’s story is ultimately one of enduring love, partnership, and redemption. After the intense stress of their losses, their marriage bonded and emerged stronger. Today, they are celebrating their “double rainbow” baby, Isla Grace.

Jeff shares that their sons, Davian and Jadon, live on through tangible remembrance items, like Dino Dave (a weighted dinosaur) and Jucletus (a heartbeat bear), which Isla will grow up cherishing.

Listen to the full episode for a raw, honest look at family advocacy, the healing power of shared grief, and how one father turned his personal trauma into a beacon of hope for countless others.

Resources & Next Steps

• Read the Book: Holding Onto the Light: A Father’s Journey Through Loss and Healing by J. S. Loving. Available on Amazon.

• Connect: Jeff is dedicated to building a community for grieving fathers. Reach out via email: holdingontothelightbook@gmail.com

• Follow: Find Jeff on Instagram @L-O-V-I-J-E-F.

Connect With Us

• Child Life On Call App (SupportSpot): Support for parents and caregivers at your fingertips

• Instagram: @childlifeoncall

• Website: childlifeoncall.com